Our Changes

During my first week assignment in Singapore I was living in hell, everything moved so damn fast on this island. I woke up early automatically, even way early than my roommate from swiss the country of punctuality. Take the bus at 7:30 hit to queenstown alight at tanjung pagar then walk to my office lunch at 2 dinner at 7 then went home at 9 if I’m lucky. A lot different from my previous life, change a lot.

During these days a friend of mine said goodbye to me. A very good friend indeed, we went to the same junior and senior high together, bad boys for life. From this insensitive heart of mine I thought it was just another holiday. He went to china for a few days of getaway. And that was it. Our last conversation, I hope I’m wrong.

During those growing up process between watching porn and chemistry lab we are unseparatable, we talked till late at night in a mosque watching the men raised their sarongs during their wudlu, then giggled just by watching their fuzzy hairs on their legs, yeah I know it’s silly.

Time flies as the notorious metro mini altered into somewhat more sophisticated. Nasi uduk altered into a cup of coffee and a bun of Danish roll. People change?

Changes derive from many factors, friends, family, lifestyle, or even boredom?

Endless text messages and emails with no reply, silent over me while you gladly greet your friends on countless social network -well just a few. New life new friends everythings new, i hardly recognize you. Our works stole our time, but not our soul? Lifestyle differ from the past, who am i kidding with?

If you asked me, I would love to eat meatballs again in jl. Pramuka, and I can still have nasi uduk in Singapore although they call it nasi lemak. Do we need to change?

I was viewing the construction site across aljunied where the Indian guys were sweaty and yummy doing the site. I smiled, thinking that you might enjoy this view. Facebook is on, as I scroll down your uploaded pictures and carefully read your friend’s comments on your trip to south Africa watching the world cup.

We got separated miles away but it’s not my fault, obviously you got a bigger pay slip than me but I’m not complaining. We have new friends but don’t you miss me?

We don’t have to change, and I don’t wanna change. So what’s your excuse?

from Shades of Gray blog

 it is written beautifully by Ethan at shades of gray. the story is an image of my feelings towards life....

I met the most adorable couple today. Peter and George. They’ve been together for 47 years. George is in a wheelchair. Peter takes care of him. He cooks for him, cuts his steak for him. He helps him up the stairs.

They’re still in love. Not like all over each other in love. Old people in love. The way you finish each other’s sentences in love. The way you tease each other in love. The way you roll your eyes at each other in love.

I was introduced to George and Peter through my friend Justin. Justin’s my hairdresser. He’s straight. He’s been my hairdresser for 16 years. Really. My brother took me to Justin’s for my 18th birthday. I’m 34 now. Almost 35. I guess that means I know Justin almost 17 years. That’s a long time.

I love Justin. He’s family. Justin loves me too. Says I’m special. I don’t think I’m special, though it’s nice to hear.

Anyway. Back to George and Peter. They invited Justin and me to brunch at the Lowell Hotel. Have you ever been to the Lowell Hotel? It’s up on 63rd and Madison. It’s beautiful. Old. Classy. Foie gras and caviar kind of classy. Beluga. I actually had the foie gras. It was amazing. Like butter. Didn’t have the Beluga. Fish eggs. Yuck.

We went on a walk after brunch. Me, Justin, Peter, George. Justin pushed George’s wheelchair. I walked along with Peter. We walked and walked and walked. We walked until we stepped right into the Central Park Zoo. We saw seals. Polar bears too. Then we sat on a bench, watched people go by. We watched and watched and watched and watched. It was one of those perfect days. Sunny, clear, like God was in a good mood. We sat there watching. We watched until Peter said it was time for George to take a nap.

Justin, me, Peter, George then walked back to their apartment, helped George up the stairs. Wheelchair was heavy. I wondered how Peter and George manage when Justin’s not around. I said my good-byes, then took the E-train back to Chelsea.

On the train, I turned on my ipod. Then smiled all the way back home.

I met the cutest couple today. 47 years. Perfect. Like God was in a good mood.

If tomorrow starts without me

I have decided that when I die i want to be buried next to my ancestors in Jogjakarta,
with Frank Sinatra tuning in the background singing I did it my way
and David Romano's stuff to be read before they take me 6 feet down.

-----
If tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.
I know how much you care for me, and how much I care for you,
And each time that you think of me you know I miss you too;

But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand,
But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,
For all life, I'd always thought I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for and so much yet to do.
It seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had it's through.

If I could relive yesterday, I thought, just for a while,
I'd say goodbye and hug you and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized that this could never be,
For emptiness and memories would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things that I'd miss come tomorrow.
I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.

So if tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me, please know you’re in my heart.

Love equal Sacrifice (?)

From the very first time I was breathing air, my mother told me one story about what love can possibly be… she told me about a princess from deep beneath the sea, who fell in love with a price when she safe him during a thunder storm, she was more than willing to trade her voice for a pair of legs, she is willing to move from one place to another which was beyond her world.
I’m sure at this 429 world we don’t have a problem leaping from a country like Indonesia then move to a cozy European having Danish bread and latte for breakfast, I wouldn’t put that as an extreme decision like the mermaid did.

Let’s just face it, in every bloody relationship we need a sacrifice, or yet to be exact, to sacrifice. Our time, money etc
I never had a thing called love like the mermaid had, I felt like, when I was paying the bills because the older one pays it, the top fucks the bottom, the rich feeds the poor, and so on and so on,
Until recently when I was hanging out with my straight friends, he excuse himself due he is going to pick up his girl, and I was like, dude told her to grab a cab. But with love in his eyes he felt more secure to know that she is safe at home if he is the one to take her there. The feeling of wanting to give protection, to give love, natural course like the water runs in the river.

Suddenly I felt warm inside

There are many things that I need to learn about this human thing call love
I’m tired of this waiting and wanting but turn to fail
As you can see I am very jealous of my friend
How hard it is to get a lover, the love of your life?
About a few months ago my heart was consume with this man, let’s just call him the good old Mr B,
He was infected with swine flu during his visit to Thailand, “hmm I wonder who did he kiss thus he got the flu?”

Well, any way… a friend of mine told me to take everything back, all of the emotion and energy that I given him, so I will be in ground zero again just to make it fair and balance.
So I did, I changed my number, my email, and delete my fridae account then make another fridae account (it’s like feng shui leave the old house and move to another new one).
By the time im done with the pathetic drama, I was sitting in my balcony and thinking about what I have past within the few months of crying and lots of chocolate (I eat that when im stress) and pin point a few point about my very own personal guidelines.

1. No idiot has the right to tell me to keep-on-fighting-for-your-love while that loser just sat there and waiting for someone to do all the dirty works
2. If you wanna make it happen then make it happen
3. No idiot will say I-am-so-focus-in-you while keep on hunting for boys in some free dating site (im counting your daily-heart!!!)
4. Last but not least, if you’re not going to make it happen, then just say it thus you won’t be wasting someone else’s time, energy and avoiding the heartbreaks

So, how hard it is to get a lover, the love of your life?
In my humble opinion: it is god damn mother f**king hard
Thanks for reading
Good night folks

In Search for the perfect guy?

 

Selasa kemarin saya menghabiskan malam saya yang di discovery kuta setelah terbelenggu selama 4 hari dikarantina karena cacar air, 

Berusaha menjadi manusia milenial pada umumnya yang jajan di mall, saat memilih makanan di breadtalk berdirilah seorang pria bule yang berwajah dan logat aussy - menegur saya setelah saya mengambil cheese pillow, t2a coklat, roti abon, dan blueberry muffin... Dengan alis kiri nya terangkat sambil bertanya 'are you going to eat all that?' ... 

 

Kenapa kita selalu menemukan Mr. Right Now di saat terburuk (well i wouldnt say he's mr. right but he's sure look good to eat) ... 

 

Why is it every time we bumped into someone that has the potential to spend the night with while we are in a horrifying condition such as eating like a pig, please mind you that it is my first civilize moment in a week. Is it a curse from a selfish god put us for not wanting us to have a little fun or maybe the kind of protection that Athena gave to Medusa to keep us safe from harmful germs.

Why did we always meet the cute guy, like - standing naked in someones bed but not wanting to take off your clothes knowing that you are wearing the world's most hideous underwear?

 it's always the right guy on the wrong time or the wrong place ... and the wrong underwear. Always.